Letters to our fathers is a special project I have decided to take on. My goal is to publish a compilation of letters written by those who have suffered or are currently suffering abuses at the hands of their fathers. Before anyone says it, yes, I know mothers abuse children too, but for this particular project, I will be focusing on the father.
My hopes are for this project to serve multiple purposes. I want to do more than just BREAK THE SILENCE. I want to SHATTER it. I want to make so much noise that we wake up the whole world. Alright, so that may be pushing it just a bit. I will settle for waking up a dozen people for every letter that’s published. Several things have occured in the recent past that have led me to come up with this idea and begin this project. I’ll start from the beginning, but I will be brief, with only that which directly pertains to this particular article.
As I began my adventure down the path of healing, memories and thoughts of past and present events flooded my mind. Everything was all mixed up. The more I learned about the abusive situations my children experienced, the worse it got. My head spun. I was in information overload. I needed to know everything that happened while I was at work and while I was asleep and I needed to remember it all. I began to make a note each time I remembered something or heard something. I would make the note right away using whatever method of writing I had at the time. I made notes in emails to myself, on envelopes and slips of paper, in the notepad on my cell phone, in noebooks if one was near by, and my mind began to clear. I began to think clearly. That was a start. It was still a mess. My notes were scattered and disorganized and I couldn’t find a thing. That made me frantic; my head started spinning again. I was so consumed and overwhelmed with all of this that I couldn’t focus on my everyday tasks at work and at home. I had to get back in control. I had to take back the power that my ex-narcso took from me. I could not allow him to continue to consume every minute of my days.
When I was younger and bad things happened, I would write. Writing helped me put everything into perspective and clear my mind. I needed everything in one place and I needed to tell my story. I began a blog. My ex-narcso reads my blog. He mentions some of the things I write to others. He isn’t too happy about it but I am not writing for his happiness. I am writing to clear my mind, organize my memories, put things into perspective, regain my power and let others know they are not alone. Exposing him for what he truely is happens to be a consequence of my actions and I am perfectly OK with that. I refused to continue to be his victim. I became a warrior to protect my children and see that they get the justice they deserve. He attacked and I fought back. He attacked again and I fought back again. Each time I fought back, I grew stronger. I began to win some battles. The healing that comes from defeating your abuser is strong. Eventually, he had no power left over me and I won every battle. The battle continues, but he is wearing out and he is now playing the victim. He attacks, he loses. then he cries about it. Isn’t that something?
My daughter posted this on her FB page. The comment she made with it was along the lines of “How fitting for my life”.
Originally, I began looking for a way to give others who have been abused an opportunity to tell their stories and begin to take their power back. Some of my children have told portions of their stories and they have been published. They have their power back. People try to silence us. We will not be silent. If you cannot look the truth in the eye because it is too ugly to look at, then you have a problem. How can you protect your children from the evils of the world if you refuse see it? Knowledge is power. Ignorance is bliss. I understand those cliche’s now. There are grave dnagers in remaining blissfully ignorant. I’ve seen people say they know these things happen, they just don’t want to hear about it or read about it. My reply to them is along the lines of informing them that I knew they existed too and I didn’t want to hear or read about them. I was blissfully ignorant. My children suffered for many years and I never even seen the signs. How could I? I didn’t know what the signs were. I ignored the truths of the world because they were too ugly to look at and my ignorance left me unable to protect my children from them.
We cannot be silent. We ust break the silence, tell or stories, take control and raise awareness abour the ugly truths. In doing this, we heal ourselves.
If you or somebody you know has expierenced abuse by his or her father, and you want the father to hear what you have to say to him, I am collecting letters to fathers for this project. Those letters will be published sometime in the next two weeks. You can write them anonymously or you can use names. I used to write anonymous but I am no longer afraid. I am not ashamed. It is not my fault. The opinions of others no longer matter. I have to do this for me. I need to heal so I can help my children continue to heal. I am not a victim. I am a warrior.
If you aren’t sure what to write, here are some ideas. Tell your father what he did to you. Be graphic if you want to. Tell him how it made you feel. Tell him what you wanted and needed him to be for you. Tell him what successes you have had without his help. Tell him is you want to be in his life or not. Tell him if you plan to tell your children they have a grandfather or not. Tell him anything and everything you want him to hear. If you provide me with his contact information, I will do everything I can to see to it that he is aware of your letter to him and where to find it to read it. If he knows about it, he will read it. It’s part of who they are. They have to know what others are saying about them. Exposing them is worse than imprisoning them in their minds. At least in prison they can still play the victim and claim they were falsly accused. Expose them, and you take away their victim card.
Email your letters to firstname.lastname@example.org and write Letters to our Fathers in the subject line so I’ll know what it is and it won’t end up labled spam. Some of my children are writing letters too. There is strangth in nubers and together we are much stronger than them. We have truth and Grace on our side. They cannot hurt us.
With the business out of the way, I wanted to send a message to somebody who made a comment about my methods of breaking the silence.
Ms. Rugersmom, why do you feel sorry for my children? Do you know how many children I have? Do you know how old they are? Do you know their stories? What do you think breaking the silence means and where did you get that idea from? Once it is on the internet, it never goes away. I would hope not! Why would we not blast it out everywhere? Thank you for your opinion but I am here to tell you it is based on ignorance. Blissful ignorance. We don’t want your smpathy. Don’t you poor babies my children. You have no idea the paths we have been down nor what it takes to repair the damages that have been done. Lies about us have been blasted on the internet. Are we to sit in silence and allow ourselves to continue to be abused or should we stand up for ourselves and fight back? I suggest you open your eyes lady. It is the monsters that want us to remain silent and when you want us to remain silent as well, you are helping the monsters. Think about it. You can reply to me in the comment section and I will be sure to publish it.
This one comes from a friend of the enemy. He cannot handle the ugly truth. It is too ugly for him to see. The sad part is that he has children. I just hope he does not allow his children to be in John’s care without any other adults around to keep watch. Mr. Mead, what part of the truth are you afraid of? I shall not be shutting my yap anytime soon. It’s ugly all right but I am not afraid like you are. I will repeat it where ever and when ever it needs to be repeated. You may also reply to me in the comments section and I will publish your comment as well.
To the both of you, do some research and educate yourselves. It is unwise to speak about things you have no knowledge of. You make yourselves look foolish. I am glad that once something is on the Internet, it is there forever. Be blessed,
~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace